Tuesday, June 30, 2020

How to become the best girl-brook jumper on the estate

One:  
Spend several years following older brothers as they wander ‘over the fields’, observing their technique as they jump from one side to the other and – more importantly – being told ‘look, just jump or go home, ‘cos we’re going this way anyway.’

Two:  
Become very good at spotting places where the bank you’re standing on is higher than the one you want to cross to. If possible, find a place where the gap is narrowest whilst offering a landing clear of brambles and bushes. (Note: it’s not an insurmountable problem if you can’t, but make sure only to attempt the jump when wearing jeans and a long sleeved top.) 

Three:  
Get to an age where you can roam ‘over the fields’ without the supervision of brothers (who will be off playing football anyway and won’t want a little sister tagging along). Hang round with a gang of children from the estate instead. This may or may not include the boy from the next street who you have a crush on. 

Four:  
Impress aforementioned gang with your knowledge and skills of brook jumping, despite the fact that you’re ‘only a girl.’  

Five:  
Be sure to have a mother who – though irritable – is too soft to punish you when you arrive home sopping wet and covered in mud, even if this occurs several times in one day. Make sure, however, never to arrive home at teatime and the same time as your father.

Alison Mott


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